Things I Hope
Like so many parents, I have many hopes and desires for my children. Every day of their lives, they have made me proud, not in the traditional prideful way, but simply because as I look into their eyes and their souls, I see them being better people than myself. It is the sense of innocence, or simply the awe of being able to still watch learning as it happens? I don't honestly know.
But at the same time, Donna and I have both wondered aloud if we really have done the best possible job at raising our kids. Truthfully, if I am laying bare my soul, I must admit I have not. A world of good intentions, and still there are some things I wish could be changed. Nothing epic, but some times when my temper ran too short, my interest not deep enough, or simply a time when I fumbled a great opportunity. Most of all, I think the one thing which I would like to change, is how protective we were over them (and remain). Sure, we learned very quickly, not to run right to them when they fell, or to act stunned or scared when they suffered an accident or faced adversity. No, the one thing our generation will certainly be remembered for once the ink dries upon our chapter in history, is how over protective we all were because society made us so.
We have tried to balance caution, fear, independence, self-reliance, protection, and freedom. Indeed, I dare say that is one battle all parents have faced, and probably always will. Do any of you out there feel the same?
Our parents let us ride bikes all over town, by ourselves. We walked to the bus stop in elementary school alone, or with our friends; not with a Parental Secret Service detail. Of course, the world was more ignorant then. There were abductions back then, but society simply remained mostly unaware and news lacked the immediacy and outreach we have today. Now we are deluged almost daily with stories which in our time would have been considered too grizzly to air.
But this blog isn't meant to explain all of the reasoning I can muster behind these thoughts and actions, rather I am simply sharing some of my thoughts about things I hope my kids have learned and will still learn. Some may be obvious, others may seem crazy; but I thought I would start a list. I doubt it can be complete any time soon, I will probably continue to want to add things to it. So, with a tip of the cap to Lee Pitts (who wrote a piece like this in 1995, and who's saying I place first in the list), I can certainly start one. So here I go:
I hope you learn humility by surviving failure and you learn to be honest when no one is looking.
I hope we have taught you, the single most important lesson in life is accepting the responsibility for the choices you make. Indeed one of my favorite quotes is Williams Jennings Bryan's, "Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice." My version is this: "Your character is forged in the fires of adversity, shaped by the choices you make, tempered by the wisdom of those in your counsel, hardened by your strength of your will, and ultimately made whole by the responsibility you accept." Not quite as catchy as his, but it's mine at least. Make your own choices, or someone else will make them for you. You will be wrong from time to time. You will make mistakes. Own up to them and learn from them.
I hope you learn the kind of people you choose as friends will determine the kind of person you will become. They will be the ones who can steady you when you stumble, pick you up when you fall, or if you choose poorly, pull you down with them. I am not talking about Facebook friends either. It is not the quantity of your friends, but the quality of them.
I hope you will take the time to watch the sunset often, and enjoy the sense of wonder from admiring God's handiwork. Every day is a gift, and though life loves to make things complicated, you need to just sit down and appreciate the simple things some time.
I hope you will try to do things on your own, like laying tile, installing a ceiling fan, swapping out your dishwasher, and other of life's little challenges. You can do far more than you give yourself credit for, and you will never know until you try. Get a book, watch a friend, or sit through a home fix-it seminar, just give yourself the benefit of the doubt.
I hope you have learned how easy it is to tell those you love in life how you feel about them. For Sam I hope he knows, saying "I love you" isn't a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.
I hope you know how much harder it is to lie and deceive than to simply tell the truth. This is one time to be lazy. Just be honest, except when a woman asks you if something makes her look fat. Then it is okay to perhaps stretch the truth a bit. :-)
I hope you truly understand the love of Christ, the power of God, and your place in the cosmos; share your faith, while at the same time respecting the right of others to choose their own path.
I hope you remember the three big things you can only give away once: your soul, your virginity, and your integrity. Guard all three carefully, don't give them away cheaply. Hopefully when you reach the end of your life, you chose well in giving up the first two, and held the latter until your final breath.
I hope you never just trust things you see on TV, read in a book, or hear from a teacher's mouth to sway your beliefs. If it is something worthwhile, take the time to do your own research, homework and make an informed decision on your own.
I hope you learn to appreciate the amazing power of music, and it's magical way of conveying emotion, and carrying a depth of feeling in those special songs that will find you as you go through life. I have so many which have meant something to me on one level or another. It will make for a long blog, but I don't care. Here are a fair number of mine for posterity:
"I Hope You Dance" - Lee Ann Womack
"Live Like You Were Dying" – Tim McGraw
"Then They Do" – Trace Adkins
"Butterfly Kisses" – Bob Carlisle
"Where Were You" – Alan Jackson
"Unconditional" – Clay Davidson
"The Love Song" – Jeff Bates
"Unanswered Prayers" – Garth Brooks
"The Change" - Garth Brooks
"Letters From Home" - John Michael Montgomery
"The Little Girl" - John Michael Montgomery
"I Can Only Imagine" – MercyMe
"Why" – Nichole Nordeman
"Beautiful" – Christina Aguilera
"Where My Heart Will Take Me" – Russell Watson
I hope you know we always try to do what we think is best for you, even when you think it is the worst.
I hope you have lots of humor in your life. There is a time to be serious, and a time to not. Make sure you leave plenty of time for laughter.
Okay, I need to stop. As I get ready to post this, I realize there will be many more things I will want to add to the list. There will be things that have slipped my mind, suggestions from others that will make me smack my forehead and go "duh", but that is okay. Life is full of learning every day, and tomorrow is yet another opportunity for us all. So, does anyone want to help add to this list?
But at the same time, Donna and I have both wondered aloud if we really have done the best possible job at raising our kids. Truthfully, if I am laying bare my soul, I must admit I have not. A world of good intentions, and still there are some things I wish could be changed. Nothing epic, but some times when my temper ran too short, my interest not deep enough, or simply a time when I fumbled a great opportunity. Most of all, I think the one thing which I would like to change, is how protective we were over them (and remain). Sure, we learned very quickly, not to run right to them when they fell, or to act stunned or scared when they suffered an accident or faced adversity. No, the one thing our generation will certainly be remembered for once the ink dries upon our chapter in history, is how over protective we all were because society made us so.
We have tried to balance caution, fear, independence, self-reliance, protection, and freedom. Indeed, I dare say that is one battle all parents have faced, and probably always will. Do any of you out there feel the same?
Our parents let us ride bikes all over town, by ourselves. We walked to the bus stop in elementary school alone, or with our friends; not with a Parental Secret Service detail. Of course, the world was more ignorant then. There were abductions back then, but society simply remained mostly unaware and news lacked the immediacy and outreach we have today. Now we are deluged almost daily with stories which in our time would have been considered too grizzly to air.
But this blog isn't meant to explain all of the reasoning I can muster behind these thoughts and actions, rather I am simply sharing some of my thoughts about things I hope my kids have learned and will still learn. Some may be obvious, others may seem crazy; but I thought I would start a list. I doubt it can be complete any time soon, I will probably continue to want to add things to it. So, with a tip of the cap to Lee Pitts (who wrote a piece like this in 1995, and who's saying I place first in the list), I can certainly start one. So here I go:
I hope you learn humility by surviving failure and you learn to be honest when no one is looking.
I hope we have taught you, the single most important lesson in life is accepting the responsibility for the choices you make. Indeed one of my favorite quotes is Williams Jennings Bryan's, "Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice." My version is this: "Your character is forged in the fires of adversity, shaped by the choices you make, tempered by the wisdom of those in your counsel, hardened by your strength of your will, and ultimately made whole by the responsibility you accept." Not quite as catchy as his, but it's mine at least. Make your own choices, or someone else will make them for you. You will be wrong from time to time. You will make mistakes. Own up to them and learn from them.
I hope you learn the kind of people you choose as friends will determine the kind of person you will become. They will be the ones who can steady you when you stumble, pick you up when you fall, or if you choose poorly, pull you down with them. I am not talking about Facebook friends either. It is not the quantity of your friends, but the quality of them.
I hope you will take the time to watch the sunset often, and enjoy the sense of wonder from admiring God's handiwork. Every day is a gift, and though life loves to make things complicated, you need to just sit down and appreciate the simple things some time.
I hope you will try to do things on your own, like laying tile, installing a ceiling fan, swapping out your dishwasher, and other of life's little challenges. You can do far more than you give yourself credit for, and you will never know until you try. Get a book, watch a friend, or sit through a home fix-it seminar, just give yourself the benefit of the doubt.
I hope you have learned how easy it is to tell those you love in life how you feel about them. For Sam I hope he knows, saying "I love you" isn't a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.
I hope you know how much harder it is to lie and deceive than to simply tell the truth. This is one time to be lazy. Just be honest, except when a woman asks you if something makes her look fat. Then it is okay to perhaps stretch the truth a bit. :-)
I hope you truly understand the love of Christ, the power of God, and your place in the cosmos; share your faith, while at the same time respecting the right of others to choose their own path.
I hope you remember the three big things you can only give away once: your soul, your virginity, and your integrity. Guard all three carefully, don't give them away cheaply. Hopefully when you reach the end of your life, you chose well in giving up the first two, and held the latter until your final breath.
I hope you never just trust things you see on TV, read in a book, or hear from a teacher's mouth to sway your beliefs. If it is something worthwhile, take the time to do your own research, homework and make an informed decision on your own.
I hope you learn to appreciate the amazing power of music, and it's magical way of conveying emotion, and carrying a depth of feeling in those special songs that will find you as you go through life. I have so many which have meant something to me on one level or another. It will make for a long blog, but I don't care. Here are a fair number of mine for posterity:
"I Hope You Dance" - Lee Ann Womack
"Live Like You Were Dying" – Tim McGraw
"Then They Do" – Trace Adkins
"Butterfly Kisses" – Bob Carlisle
"Where Were You" – Alan Jackson
"Unconditional" – Clay Davidson
"The Love Song" – Jeff Bates
"Unanswered Prayers" – Garth Brooks
"The Change" - Garth Brooks
"Letters From Home" - John Michael Montgomery
"The Little Girl" - John Michael Montgomery
"I Can Only Imagine" – MercyMe
"Why" – Nichole Nordeman
"Beautiful" – Christina Aguilera
"Where My Heart Will Take Me" – Russell Watson
I hope you know we always try to do what we think is best for you, even when you think it is the worst.
I hope you have lots of humor in your life. There is a time to be serious, and a time to not. Make sure you leave plenty of time for laughter.
Okay, I need to stop. As I get ready to post this, I realize there will be many more things I will want to add to the list. There will be things that have slipped my mind, suggestions from others that will make me smack my forehead and go "duh", but that is okay. Life is full of learning every day, and tomorrow is yet another opportunity for us all. So, does anyone want to help add to this list?
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