Dante's Inferno (Updated)

I honestly don't know exactly where this idea came from, I think it happened while I was stuck at the red light at Weems and Mahan for the 37,894,434th time in 37,894,436 times trying to go through the intersection.  The city of Tallahassee traffic engineering office simply cannot program this light to work in sequence with rush hour traffic period.  Or any hour traffic really.  Anyhow, I digress, I had this crazy idea to update Dante's Inferno for new 21st century sins and trespasses of life. 

So, I did.  I sat down, tried to think them through and I changed a few around the way I would if I were dreaming it up, which I was in a way.  I left only 1 open for now, I need to ponder that one more.  If anyone wants to tweak the ideas or add one of their own, feel free.  I just needed to do some writing exercises and this flowed easily from brain to the virtual page.  It is a first draft, so forgive me if it isn't the best.  I just thought it interesting and wanted to let others jump in if they so chose.

For reference, Dante's original circles of Hell can be read in more depth online at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferno_%28Dante%29 and they can be quickly listed as this:

1          Limbo

2          Lust

3          Gluttony

4          Greed

5          Anger

6          Heresy

7          Violence

8          Fraud

9          Treachery

Without further adieu, my updated Inferno as it spilled forth tonight:

First Circle - Limbo (still) 
Waiting constantly is still hellish.  So today's version would feature being given a car with no working AC, uncomfortable seats, and having to drive across town, through 100 traffic lights, all of which go red just before you get there (in other words, just like driving in Tallahassee).  Once you reach the store which is your destination, you get your items and go to check out, get up to the register and the person in front of you has tons of coupons, decides to pay with a personal check and left their ID in their car.  Of course as soon as you get in line, all the other lines fill up and people crowd behind you so you can't move.  Lastly, once you leave the store, you must again traverse the traffic, so you can get to the Driver's License office where you get to draw ticket number 98, when they are serving number 2.  Finally, once you get your license, you go home and start the adventure all over again.

Second Circle - Lust/Flesh

This version would feature for men, many beautiful supermodels, all of whom are supremely attractive to you and want you, only you suffer from erectile dysfunction and can never perform, leaving them to laugh at you and tell all the other beautiful women how pathetic you are.  For women, I would guess perhaps you are surrounded with throngs of hunky guys, all you would find irresistible, and they you, but upon touching them in any way, your skin itches, then burns and becomes unbearable to keep contact since the itching and burning only grows worse.

Third Circle - Personal Superiority

Here would be the folks who are convinced they, and only the ones who think exactly like them, are worthy.  They would awaken as homeless vagabonds, and every other single person they ever come in contact with finds them repugnant, treats them as a diseased leper, a complete idiot and spits on them; dooming them to spend eternity only with themselves.  It would be fitting since they only view themselves as being correct.

Fourth Circle - Greed (still)

Greed is still way up there.  Here demons would beat you and force you to build the biggest warehouse ever, as slave labor, and when your shift in the agonizing heat is over, you are forced to fan out into the world and collect everything you ever valued in life.  And for each thing you collect, the next day you are forced to build that much more storage space to hold it.  A never ending cycle.

Fifth Circle - Racism, Hate, Anger

If you ever harbored such behaviors in life, you are forced to live as that race, or type of person in an entire world that treats you the way you treated those people while you were alive.  It could be racial, it could be country of origin, it could be preferences, it could be based on how you treated the opposite sex.  Regardless of what it was, you would be the exact type of person you treated so wretchedly and be forced to live every day over and over again as them in a world of 'thems' (basically people who hate monger like they had done in life).

Sixth Circle - Apathy

Dante used heresy here, but I think apathy might be better.  Here are the folks who simply invested nothing of themselves into the world.  They simply did nothing to make an impact, nothing to rock the boat, nothing to take a stand.  These folks would simply be invisible to everyone else, unable to communicate with another soul, unable to even touch objects that exist for others.  They would simply exist, with nothing, as nothing, for eternity.

Seventh Circle - Violence (Leave it that??)

If so, I need to come up with a good torment for it...

Eighth Circle - Deceit

Well, I thought about this one for awhile and got it.  Every day they awaken to being stabbed in the back by everyone they ever wronged in that way, then they get thrown under a bus by everyone they did that to, robbed blind by those who were victimized by that method as they lay bleeding from the stabbings and the nice bus crush, and lastly are lied to as people stop and say they will call for help, and then they don't and walk away.  Next morning, it starts all over again.

Ninth Circle - Collectivism

Here everyone looks exactly the same, they are all the same height, same weight, same androgynous appearance, same body type, same personality, same clothes, same house, same cars, same possessions, same job, absolutely everything is the same for everyone forever.  They all eat the same bland food, and   Those folks who wanted ultimate fairness in the universe get exactly what they wanted.  A complete loss of individuality and freedom. 

Well, there you go.  I am sure there are other sins/vices/etc which could be listed here, but this was my writing exercise so I got to choose them.  Now, I need to get back to thinking up some more interesting ideas.