One Father's Attempt At A Commencement Address To His Graduate

For many years I have long admired the wisdom, the advice, the unique visions of the world and the future offered by so many wonderful people during commencement speeches year in and year out.  Indeed, some offer standard clichés and slogans, but some offer such profound insight into the world which we live and advice on how to succeed in it that I wonder, why don’t we hear these speeches more often?  Why stop with graduations?  Good, solid, practical life advice should always be welcome in our society.  Indeed our world actually surrounds us with some great ‘learning moments’ but in the hustle and bustle of our lives, sometimes we don’t even realize it.  

Everyone had help.  Einstein would not have been Einstein without his parents helping to make sure he went to school and got an education.  Einstein had teachers, peers, friends, and they all played a part in shaping the man who would forever alter the world of science.

Wisdom can come from a teacher, a friend, a parent, a coach, even a stranger we might overhear.  Enlightenment and insight can come from anywhere and everywhere.  We even have more venues and opportunities than ever before because of the ease of information sharing in our ever connected and social world.  

It can come from movies. 

 
“Why do we fall down? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.”  From Batman Begins.    
"Fear is not real. Fear is a product of thoughts you create.  Now do not misunderstand me, danger is very real. But fear is a choice."   From After Earth
“It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.”  From Harry Potter & The Sorcerer’s Stone
“Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow." – Men In Black

It can come from music. 

Lee Ann Womack’s “I Hope You Dance” is a treasure trove of great life advice.  Tim McGraw’s “Live Like You Were Dying”, Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful”, Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life” and Garth Brooks “The Change” are just a few examples of songs which contain great messages.

It can even be found on the Internet.  

But usually this time of year, it comes from commencement addresses made at schools across the country.  I have read so many great quotes, speeches and addresses, I thought before I tried to write my own thoughts down for my kids, especially for Amanda given her big day tomorrow, I should pay homage to some great words, spoken as simple truths by people helping guide others to the right path.  

It only seems appropriate then to share the words of the great Dr. Seuss who famously said, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  Indeed, be true to yourself, be genuine and don't try to be something you are not.  Your true friends love you for being you.   Indeed Comedian and TV personality Bill Cosby agreed.  He wrote in his book Fatherhood, "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."  So remember you can’t ever please everyone, but you can certainly be honest with everyone (including yourself).

Reportedly Mark Twain once said “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”  You are in the middle of that range now.  Trust me, you will be amazed at how much I ( or your father/mother) will have learned in a few more years.  Heh.  The same fresh set of eager eyes and thoughts you bring to a problem which might hold the key to solving a problem, might also be the same set of young, inexperienced eyes which may not even share the same planet with the correct solution.  Don't be afraid to speak up, and don't be afraid to be wrong.  We were all young once, yes, even us, your parents, were young once.  I know, it is really hard to believe.  Maybe you can pretend for this moment you are in Disney World.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was indeed a great man and wise beyond his years.  It feels only right to include 3 of his great nuggets of wisdom.  “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”  Our world is divisive, quick to anger and judgment.  So, despite what your biology teacher might have taught you, humans have not "evolved" so much.  We still tend to give in to the baser instincts.  So, work hard towards being the light.  Dare to be different.  “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”  Your friends will play such a key role in your life.  Dare I say, after your family which raised you and now is sending you off to college, other than them, your friends will play the most important role in shaping who you are and who you will become.  Watch out for your friends.  Be the kind of person everyone looks to in times of adversity for help, guidance and support.  Great friends will become family.  And lastly Dr. King spoke to a young group students much as yourselves and said, “If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”  Work hard.  Don't be lured by money alone, or by prestige, for both are fleeting.  Do what you love and love what you do is what so many of us will advise.  However, dream  jobs for a lifetime don't fall like rain.  They must be earned, sometimes chased and in the meantime, work harder than everyone else.  Pour your passion into your profession, and I can assure you, those who can help you get to your dream will notice. 

 

My favorite comedian of all-time, the late, great George Carlin was a master at understanding the English language and all it's various quirks.  He had the rare gift of being able to point out things which seemed so obvious, yet nobody noticed.  He used to say "There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past."  See what I mean.  He's right.  Don't be afraid to see things a little different than everyone else.  In fact, all of us know of the popular way of determining your world outlook in the old analogy, is the glass half-full or half-empty?  I recently saw a great, fantastic t-shirt in response to it.  It had a note taped to the glass which read, "Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist, While you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.  Thanks, the Opportunist."  I loved it.  See the world differently.  We need to embrace our diversity. 

 

Anyhow, I wish I could measure up to some of the great commencement speakers I have heard, or these great folks I have talked about above, but I cannot.  I can only offer to share their advice and  a few practical tidbits of my own which hopefully will help you somewhere in life.  So, I will try to keep it relatively short and sweet.

#1 I hope you have learned the kind of people you choose as friends will determine the kind of person you will become.  I referenced this earlier and should stress, I am not talking about Facebook friends here either.  It isn’t the quantity of your friends that counts, but the quality of them.  Surround yourself with the best ones you can find and never stop looking for more.

#2 It is easy to tell those you love in life how you feel about them.  "I love you" is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.  And life is shorter than you realize.  

#3 You cannot change the past.  Whatever choices you have made in life, both good and bad cannot be altered.  Those decisions are forever written in the story of your life.  And the same goes to your social media pages.  Once you post something online, understand this: it never goes away.  You may delete it, but trust me, it will always be there.  

That said, please, don’t make the mistake so many have of having your picture taken and posted all over the internet always holding a beer or some other adult beverage.  You don’t look grown up, you look like someone who desperately needs A.A.  

#4 You are the sum of choices you make.  It is important to understand in the real world, not making a choice, is actually making a choice.  It is making a choice not to control your own destiny, to cede control to someone else.  And that someone else will not have your best interests at heart.  

"Your character is forged in the fires of adversity, shaped by the choices you make, tempered by the wisdom of those in your counsel, hardened by the strength of your will, and ultimately made whole by the responsibility you accept."

And last, but not least, I feel I must close with the great words of Winston Churchill. 
“This is not the end.  It is not even the beginning of the end.  But it is perhaps, the end of the beginning.”

*****
Note: Here is a link to one speech given last year, which still remains the crown jewel of them all, at least for me.  http://theswellesleyreport.com/2012/06/wellesley-high-grads-told-youre-not-special/

David McCullough Jr.