Writing Sample: A sample chapter

I have not kept it a secret, nor have I broadcast into the world my ongoing attempt to write a novel.  I have actually had 4-5 ideas for stories/books/novels and I am still sitting on them.  The one which seemed most persistent in my thoughts has been the one I am going on my 20th month of working on.  I have read a few books on writing and from time to time I have hit walls.  The outline covers beginning to end, but at times I am still struggling with the parts in between.  I simply thought I would share a chapter and see what the feedback was.  This particular chapter provides a more detailed introduction to one of my main characters in the story.  This book is Science Fiction.  The events here take place on another planet called Vasparia.  A world similar to Earth, a bit more technologically developed. 
 
Also, I would be tempted to say be kind, but in all honesty, I want real feedback.  I am happy with this.  I am sure in the rewrites it will change, but for a first draft, I felt good enough to move on. So, without further delay:

Intro to AJ

The room, still mostly dark, had an odor which smelled of sweat and an air of activity. AJ Brooks flexed his solid, muscular arms one last time and finished his 100th pull up. Sweat poured off his head and ran down his dark, bare back. He released from the bar hung over his door and dropped to the floor. He hit the ground and bounced up, repeatedly, quickly now rattling off push ups.

Up and down, each exactly like the one before it. Precise and efficient. Once he reached his hundredth, he sat up on his knees and grabbed the nearby towel. He wiped the copious amounts of sweat from his head and his neck, and spread out the towel on the floor behind him.

He laid back and began his final morning exercise, swiftly pivoting up and down through his customary 100 sit ups. His internal clock kept him on pace and he checked the clock on the wall. Bingo! Under six minutes.

He stood, picked up his towel and headed for the shower. At nearly 50 years old, he was a bit slower than he had been in the service, but he prided himself on remaining in great shape. He could finish his morning routine quicker and less winded than most men half his age. You can take the man out of the military, but you can’t take the military out of the man. AJ had kept his morning routine even after he left the service. He enjoyed the Adrenalin rush and how it left him alert and ready for the day. He threw his exercise towel into the laundry basket and turned the shower on.

He showered quickly, stepped out, wrapped his towel around his waist and grabbed his razor. He shaved with purpose, but carefully around the goatee which had been his trademark look since the day he graduated from basic training. Simple, efficient. Words to live by AJ thought. He moved into his closet, grabbing a simple plain shirt and basic pair of jeans before moving on to the kitchen.

His apartment was small, Spartan in appearance, and obviously had never had a woman’s touch anywhere near it. The walls were a basic gray color, the carpet a neutral color, and the furniture was above all else, practical and unremarkable.

AJ decided to enjoy his breakfast this morning. No long commute in traffic, just a relaxing day to take a nice drive. He grabbed a few resource packs from the fridge and popped them into the food dispenser. He punched in a few commands and let the machine do its work.

He grabbed a fresh stim out of heated drawer and sat down. He fired up his datapadd which was sitting exactly where he had left it the night before, on the table. As he nursed the warm, energy inducing beverage, AJ perused the headlines and scores from last night, patiently waiting for the dispenser to finish it’s magic.

In just a few minutes, the machine beeped and the door opened to reveal a pile of meat, eggs and some fruit. AJ propped his tablet, got up and grabbed a fork from the drawer, and the plate from the dispenser. He brought them both back to the table and slowly closed his eyes as he took his seat, just for a moment. It smelled delicious and he could take his time this morning.

As his eyes reopened and he dug his fork into the food on his plate, AJ noted the major headlines of the day. The SPORTSTEAM had won again last night, running their streak to 11 in a row, and looking to be a lock for the playoffs in a few more weeks. The weather outlook for his travel through the mountains favored them with clear skies and nice temperatures. The major news headlines still dealt with the forthcoming hearings on the CSPA which would be taking place in a week. He read quietly as he ate.

Brooks finished his breakfast, shoved his plate into the dispenser’s cleaning slot along with his utensils, and tossed the empty stim cup into the recycler.

He powered down his datapadd and stuffed it into his bag. He walked through the kitchen one last time, going through his mental checklist, ensuring everything was powered off or into standby mode. It was.

He made his way to the door, grabbing his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder, and picked up his overnight bag. He activated his alarm system and went out the door.

His one indulgence sat quietly and patiently waiting downstairs. He hoped she wouldn’t be angry at how long they had been apart.

He rode the elevator down to the garage. As he strode across the darkened area, he smiled to himself. He loved not having to go into the city, and even more, he loved driving the one luxury item he allowed himself to indulge in: his overpowered, overpriced, overly loud sports car, the Mark IV. He set his backpack down and pulled the cover off the fiery red shrine to raw power and intimidation in transportation. His Mark IV had a drive system capable of powering a jet, all in a sleek red chassis and seats designed to his exact size and build. Yes, today was most definitely a Mark IV day.

He put the cover in the area behind the car, pressed the key to open the doors, and placed his backpack carefully in the back seat. He hopped behind the wheel and brought the mechanical menace to average vehicles to life. The engine roared and certainly would have deafened anyone crazy enough to stand near it in the garage. He felt the vibrations course through his body and soul as he fed it more power. At last, he slid it into gear and eased it out of the semi-secluded spot he kept it, and down the ramp towards the exit. He had a date and he couldn’t keep her waiting any longer.

Yes, Marina would enjoy the nice drive out in the country, and he would even let her drive it a bit, a sure sign their little “arrangement” was getting more serious. Of course, Marina might be one of only a handful of women on Vasparia who could understand and appreciate all the customization to his Mark IV.

He reached the exit. Not yet, he thought. He finally saw his opening into the light traffic on the road into the city and with a smile plastered on his face, he swung the wheel in the other direction and jammed his foot down to feed it more power. The roar from the engine gave it a predatory sound to anyone listening, and to AJ it simply felt the perfect harmonic vibration. The MARK IV shot forward and essentially laid claim to the road. AJ enjoyed watching the regular folks simply fall out of the way. Yes, today was off to a great start.